Note : this was written on the same day as it happened. So it was an old post. Current sleep habit is a whole different story haha. I will explain at the end of this post. But i have to warn you that if you are looking for an inspiring successful sleep training journal, this post is not the one.
The journal of A – 3rd sleep training. 9 month. April 2017
The reason behind : read here
My original plan : bed time routine, put him in his crib awake, stroke his hair, saying good night and go to my bed across his crib (where he also could see me). I will let him cry it out, not making eye contact. I will lay him down if he start standing up or sitting up, and repeat it several times. Also will keep telling him to go to sleep. Whenever he wakes up (most likely sitting up), I will just lay him down and go back to my bed. Learning from previous sleep training mistake, no physical contact to help him sleep, no midnight meal, because it will only create another habit. I will nurse him before sleep and after 4.30am, and bring him to my bed to sleep again until morning to start the day.
Day 1 – April 12, 2017
7.30 : start bedtime routine
7.55 – 9.30 : Cry for 1.5 hour. Standing-sitting- repeat. Refused to be laid down. End up sleeping in sitting position. Fall down 10 min after.
10.30ish – 11ish : wake up crying. Apparently he had dirty diaper (he pooped). So I changed his diapers quietly then put him in his crib again, and the crying series continue. Sitting – standing – repeat. Still refused to be laid down. End up sleeping in sitting position again. Fall down after awhile.
01 ish (not sure) : wake up again. Crying – sitting – standing – repeat. Everytime laid him down he sit up again and cry harder. Such a stubborn baby. Several times nodding off, crying on and off. Whenever he awake he would cry. At one point he was silent and play by himself. But then he would cry again.
03am : finally asleep (still) in sitting position. Fall down with small cry after awhile. Thought it was finally over, next time he wake up should be after 4.30ish so I could nurse him. But i was wrong.
04ish : wake up *AGAIN!! I contemplated whether i should let him cry until 4.30 (which is my set time to nurse), or just nurse him now. Finally I gave up, because i think 20 mins wont make much difference, anyway it’s his first night so i will go easy on him. I picked him up then i brought him to my bed to nurse him in sleeping position. He fall asleep instantly after nursing. After unlatched himself, he rolled over and sleep. He changed position several times, i barely awake also, too tired to notice. But i remembered i found him on weird sleeping positions. He must be very exhausted.
07 ish : woke up because utin came in to get ready for work. Start the day
Today review : I shouldnt lay him down repeatedly, because it only trigger him to cry harder. Maybe for him it’s like giving a false hope? PHP kalo istilah sekarang mah. Makanya mungkin dia tambah kesel haha.
Also I should keep silent and ignore him. Because whenever i tell him to go to sleep and goodnight, he also will cry harder. Maybe my voice only make him more frustated.
So on the next day, I will let him do whatever he wants to do. Standing up, sitting up, playing around, whatever. I will just keep silent, not making eye contact, and sit on my bed.
How i feel : It was bad. I never thought it would be that bad. He kept waking up and crying almost all night. I need support to keep doing this. I keep telling myself and praying that it’s the right thing to do. That it’s not just me being so egoistic. I remind myself that even i want to co sleep with A, he also cant sleep well. So i must do this. To help him, me and Utin to get a better sleep. To help A sleep well and help his brain to grow well. I pray and pray that i do the right thing and may God help A to understand what I am doing right now. May A understand and learn to sleep well on his own, so this training can be over soon.
When night came, I feel like I wanted to sigh and take a deep breath. I was dreading how sleepless and nightmare it would be.
Today was different, because when I was came home from work at about 7pm, A was already sleeping (taking nap). Then I decided to wake him up at 7.30pm. At first i wanted to play with him first for a while then started the bedtime routine. But apparently he was still sleepy and cranky, too sleepy to follow bedtime routine. So I done what I could and put him down at 8pm.
8.00pm : finish bedtime routine, put A in his crib awake. And the crying drama series began. Learning from day 1, this time I only laid him down (when he begin to sit up or stand up) 3 times. After that I let him do whatever he wants. And this time I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.
This time the crying still take a long time, but the good thing was there were times the crying stopped and A played by himself. Apparently the crying made him not too sleepy anymore. So he decided to just play around with his toys and bolster that i put in his crib. The crying was on and off. Not too histerical like the first night, but still take a lot of crying.
10 pm : crying finally stopped and A was sleeping. A has learned to lay himself down, though in weird positions. At least he didnt sleep sitting up anymore.
1.30am : woke up crying. On the first cry I laid him down for 3 times. After that I ignored him and continue sleeping *at least pretended to sleep.
Not sure when it stopped, the crying was on and off again after a while. I think at 2.15ish he began to fall asleep again. But woke up again after a couple of mins. Maybe he actually fell asleep again at 3am.
5.15am : woke up again and I picked him up to nurse him and brought him to my bed. So we could have some more sleep until 7am
7am : woke up and start the day
Today review : I feel like making a small progress. In a terms of crying duration, yes the 2nd day is worse than the first. But i think in terms of cyring intensity, on 2nd day it’s not as bad as the first day. At least he can stop crying and play by himself. Just want to keep positive.
How I feel : Somehow I also feel better. Even I still had fragmented sleep, it was kinda easier, because whenever he woke up i would just check the time then continue to sleep (or trying to). I dont need to literally getting up rom bed. Somehow it made me more fresh in the morning. I still feel it would be a long journey, but this 2nd day make me stronger and thinking more positive that we can do this.
Day 3 (Good Friday)
Today we came home very late, around 10.30pm. So the schedule was ruined. A slept in the car, and woke up when we reached home. So i played with him for a while then managed to do the bedtime routine.
11 pm : bedtime routine. Put him in crib awake. I dunno if he was exhaustes or the routine gave him cue to sleep, today he only need 30 min to sleep. Wow! I am so happy. He also already learned to sleep laying down. Smart baby.
2.30 – ish : woke up crying. I was so exhausted so I didnt really notice when or how long he was crying. Not really long I think. Maybe only 30 min at max.
5.30 ish : woke up. I brought him to my bed and nurse him in sleeping position. Continue to sleep until 8 am.
8.15 : woke up and start the day
Today review : yeay it’s getting better and better! Hopefully not because he was exhausted but because he already learned to sleep well.
How i feel : I become more confident and optimistic.
8pm : start bedtime routine. Amazingly he only cried for 5-10 minutes. Then he laid down, roll over and trying to sleep by his own. I watched him trying several (weird) position, so funny. But i have to make sure he didnt see me, otherwise he would start crying again
01am : woke up because electricity went out. Because Utin needs to check the PLN meter, I nursed Axel so he would just sleep. I knew i wasnt consistent. But I didnt feel like hearing him cry while we need to fix the electricity. Thank God it was fixed and Axel continue to sleep after I put him on crib.
2am : woke up crying. This time I let him cry. Only laid him down to sleeping position. It didnt take long until he fall asleep again
3.30 ish : woke up, startled, because Utin was talking loudly in his sleep. (*sigh). I just lay Axel down again and tell him to sleep.
5.15ish ; woke up. Brought him to my bed and nursed him. This time I turned off the white noise, because it bothered me. But it made Axel not sleeping again. I nursed him, but he refused to sleep again. Only half sleep and restless.
06.30 : i gave up and woke up. Because A already up and bothering me.
Today review : today Axel was waking up more frequently (especially after midnight) than on previous nights. Not sure if it was because i nursed him at midnight. But at least he seemed to be understood to sleep by his own.
How I feel : because he woke up more frequently I feel tired today. And I think axel also was a bit cranky in the morning because of the disturbed and fragmented sleep. Hopefully it will get better tomorrow.
Day 5 : easter
8.15 pm : start bedtime routine
8.30pm : put him in crib awake, and saying good night. He was still crying when I left his crib. But today it also took him only about 5 minutes to lay down and sleep. He will need like 5-10 min to roll over and trying several position that he likes best. Then he would be sleeping. Good boy!
01am -ish : woke up crying. I didnt really remember the time. Just noticed that it’s still midnite. So i just laid him down and tell him to go to sleep. He cried for a couple of min then fall asleep.
03.30ish : woke up crying. The same thing with before. I just laid him down and tell hom t go the sleep. This time i think he took longer crying time. Maybe he was kinda hungry. Anyway he get used to have his midnight milk.
05.30ish : woke up. I took him to my bed and nurse him.
Today review : not much to review. Similar with the day before. Getting easier to sleep but still waking up at night.
How I feel ; i am just glad that it gets better. Day by days make me feel more confident. Hopefully he can finish his training soon
Day 6 : monthly check up – vaccine
Today he got his vaccine and monthly check up. Vaksin campak. The doc said that he might have fever a week from now. So let’s hope he wont get it and it doesnt disturb the training.
8.10 : put him on his crib awake, saying good night. He started crying when I put him down and left the crib. I laid him down again 3times and went to my bed. He cried for 5 mins then lay himself down to sleep. Cried again several times while trying to sleep.
8.20 : sleeping. Good boy!
Back to present
That was the last of my recorded journal. After that I was too busy and too tired to write haha. So I will tell you what happened next :
After about 2 weeks of sleep training attempt, i felt like it was not working. Sometimes it was quite working (just almost – but he still didnt sleep through the night), most of times it didnt.
Axel would cry whenever I put him in his crib, not too long though, only 5-15 minutes. Then on good days he would wake up on midnight, crying for about 15 min then go to sleep. Then he would wake up again around 3 or 4 then I nursed him and brought him to my bed. But on not so good days (which was the most days), he would wake up at midnight and crying and wailing for 1 – 2 hours, after he finally exhausted he would fall asleep. Then he woke up again around 3am. I nursed him and brought him to my bed. Sometimes he sleep again until morning, sometimes he decided he had enough sleep and ready to play *sigh.
After 2 weeks with no real result , I feel like failing and thinking to give up. Other reason, sleep training should be done on both nap and sleep time. Axel wasnt sleep trained on his nap because usually he is with his grandma. On nap time he always sleep on big bed, never on his crib. Maybe that’s the reason it didnt really work. And one more thing, Axel seemed more cranky on daytime since I sleep trained him. Not sure if it was true or just my feeling. I started to contemplate if it was the right decision.
Then 1 day, after a long and full day with our big family, we realized that Axel seems enjoyed being around people. He seems like a social baby. He loves to play. He was overjoyed after that family gathering. And that made me wonder if he was frustated if he has to sleep by his own, and that made him cranky.
I knew that Axel loves physical touch. He loves to hold my hand whenever he sits on car seat. And he also loves to hold someone’s hands when he is trying to sleep. He also like to be accompanied when playing. He can play by himself, but someone has to sit near him. So maybe he also wants to be accompanied while sleeping.
That night we let him sleep in our bed the whole night. And the result was, a very happy baby on the next day. He still woke up at night, but because i could nurse him in sleeping position, he quickly go back to sleep.
Anddd.. that’s the point I decided to postpone sleep training. Maybe he isnt ready now, maybe i should wait until he is 1 year old. I know I will have much more difficult time when I decide to sleep train him again later, but I hope by that time he is bigger and can understand the concept better. Anyway, I dont have forever with our baby, so maybe I will just enjoy the time with him while I can. Utin also agree, and he doesnt mind sharing our bed with Axel. So, bye bye sleep training and hello (semi) co sleeping hahaha.
Why i said semi co sleeping? Because I still put Axel on his crib first. Then after he wake up on midnight I will just bring him to our bed. Afterall the sleep training process is not for nothing. It helps Axel to have a better sleep schedule, and to help him sleep on his crib first.
Now he has a regular sleeping schedule. 8pm or max 9pm (if he had late nap). I still do bedtime routine. Then i put him on his crib then i sit beside his crib holding his hand. No more tears now, maybe only a little, but it is just his way to go to sleep. Then he will play with my hand, or play by himself a little, then after 5-10 min he will doze off. Such a smooth way to make him sleep. I am quite happy with that.
Then at around midnight he usually wakes up then I bring him to our bed to nurse him in sleeping position. The challene now is he getting used to sleep with nursing again. And now he can nurse all night. If I unlatched him, he will protest. Well now I have to figure out what to do with it and break the habit. Usually i will put bolster between me and axel, then let him cry a little. After a while of crying he will fall asleep and sleep better. But it should be repeated couple of times during night. Still no sleep through the night for us *sigh. But i feel like getting more sleep since then, and feel better at work. So not a real complain from my side.
So it is our chosen sleep arrangement and we will do it at least for now. Hopefully things will get better and eventually Axel will learn to sleep by his own through the night. *fingercrossed.
So how about you? Any success on your sleep training process? 😄